I honour you as a unique, sensitive, insightful, strong, vulnerable,
funloving, healing, growing, changing, integrating being
I love the person that you are - your all - the aspects that shine light
And the aspects that caste shadow.
I commit myself to gaze deeply into and penetrate any fears I discover
in myself
As I get to know your dark side of the moon
Revealing itself to me as I get to know you more.
We all have these parts in the depths of the subconscious:
Blind spots, denied parts
That the catalysts of relationship pervade through time
Illuminating the shadows
It is at that place that relationship usually turns into
Avoidance, blame, denial, vindictiveness, manipulation, control games,
push-pull, destructiveness, death-in-the-guise-of-life.
We have been in that place and nearly annihilated from it
We have both learned much and made the commitment
Never to give away our power to another.
I commit to breaking the separation war made by victim and persecutor
In myself, in my relationships
In my societal work, in my environmental work, in my spiritual work
I feel full - Full of life, love, passion, inquiry,
Sacred knowledge, skills & tools, wonderment, humility
I share my fullness with others as I live more and more each day in my authentic self.
I carry in my bosom LOVE - for myself, my whanau, life itself
I also carry pain and anger born of Injustice
Of the ripping off of myself and my kindred from their Birthright
From being smothered in LIES instead of being bathed in the gold-dust of TRUTH.
I know now what is Lies and what is Truth, as I FEEL it in my Mind-Body-Soul
These powerful Pain-Anger-Grief E-motions that rise in me
Are fuel for my personal growing and my social-planetary transformation work
Are a rocket to cut through and burn the dross
To shift dense matter to higher levels of Consciousness.
In me is also softness like the dew on the moss
As the dawn light coaxes it into glistening
Softness and sensuousness of velvet and mullein
And fragrances of lavender
And of Spirit Nectar
Sweet as the underground streams flowing through Marble Mountain
When they emerge as a spring in the forest.
I ask to have these spaces in me touched
And more awakened - that the Water-Earth
Flow more fully into the Air-Fire
And these energies unify
Yet able to still dance in their own strengths.
I ask the God/Goddess to support myself and yourself
In our individual growing to Wholeness in every cell of our beings
So that in Wholeness we can meet each other
And share our Love with each other, our Whanau, Nature and the Planet
I dedicate my partnership with you
Should you say Yes in your heart
And Ho in your belly
To the building of Sacred Society on Earth
I dedicate it to none other than this.
I know that to dwell in the playground
Of Self-Indulgence and the little circle of partnership
Gratifying each others needs
Would be unsustainable
Unhonouring of who we each are
And what we are here on this planet to do.
To do our co-working well
We yet need to show each other
Our human frailties, foibles and unwholenesses
And be there for each other
Not in the mode of co-dependence
But in the mode of standing apart
Yet strong for the other
Holding out our hands
Full of energy raying to the other
As the other unravels, goes through their turmoil, pain, grieving, self-doubt
Blessing them - Encouraging them
Being present for them
And at the ebb phases of the process
Be a listening ear, a nurturing touch, a true companion
And be a catalyst for Truth to break free.
In places of untrodden territory
To be a guide to places of benefit where we individually have been
Guide not Guru
Friend not Follower
And sit on a high rock and keep watch
While the other explores alone
Being there to help them regroup when their journey’s cycle is through.
Then there is the true co-working - the Sacred Partnership
The polarity balance of male and female in healing and transformation
Going together to places which are inaccessible to go alone
As female or male, or even as groups of female and male
For to enter requires the synergy of both male and female
Little of this territory has been written about
Nor even much discovered
Considering the capacity we have been given as human beings
And the incredible planet we have been provided with to caretake and explore.
Mostly, people and couples stop at the steel gates of darkness
And play their "power-over" games, duelling outside those gates
Or one is inside and one outside, locked out from each other
Or one is standing at the abyss of the Void
Separated from the one who has jumped
Or both stand at the abyss staring transfixed in terror
Forgetting to hold out their hands to each other
And jump together
Then there is the fantasy, illusionary world
Held in place by relational addiction
And fixed stuck even more by substance addiction
That holds us in the bind of Co-dependency.
Yet by dedicating partnership to Universal Service
And by taking 100% responsibility for what we create
Light and Love grace us
And we walk with Guidance
On that silver slipstream
Through that which is dark and dense
We are not looking at each other for answers
Or for reflection and feedback of our own identity
Or validation of our own okayness
We are looking at our own inner knowing
To our Guides in Spirit
To our Forebearers who give us Ancient Knowledge and Wisdom
To our Earth Mother and Sky Father
We look towards each other as carrying that within
And support and validate each others God Connection.
We hold hands and walk forward together
With common vision, sacrosanct purpose
And we are blessed
We let the Sun’s light fully shine on the other
And let the energy of the inner and outer Sun
Move in our bodies, giving, receiving, flowing freely
From one linked hand to another - from my hand to yours, your hand to mine.
This is the quality of relationship which I want with you
I know that you have the capacity to meet me in that way
And I have the capacity to meet you
You deserve nothing less, I deserve nothing less
And as well as this Cosmic orientation
I want, as my physical earthly childlike self
To have fun with you, to do mischievous, ridiculous, frivolous and daring things together
And live sustainably
To be light on the Earth, to shine Light for the Earth.
Robina McCurdy is a co-founder and resident of Tui Community.
She works in the field of community development and permaculture design & facilitation.
See also Robina's article Towards Sacred Society.
Find more information about Robina in Networking.
Copyright (c) 3/2000 by Robina McCurdy | Originally published as "To My Potential Mate" in Gestalt Dialogue #8, Jun1998